If there is one question I often hear from my coaching clients, it is this question: Why Do I Feel So Distant From God?
God, Where Are You?
Scripture tells us that God will never leave us or forsake us [Hebrews 13:5-6], yet, so many of us feel like God isn’t there. We desire to feel his love, like a warm, comfortable hug – the hug that many of us did not fully receive from our mom or dad while growing up.
We strive by praying, worshipping, and reading Scripture. And, yet, something feels like it is missing. It aches. You know there is more there for you; you have maybe even felt it before. The distance can almost make you feel angry, depressed, or distance yourself.
I have felt that too.
There was a time in my life that I was “doing” all of the “right” things – faithful at attending church, journaling prayers, reading the Word, and even leading Bible studies. And yet, inside, I felt hollow. I had the head knowledge that God loves me and that nothing can seperate us from it [Romans 8:38-39]. I kept asking, “God, where are you?” The silence. Oh, the silence felt unbearable.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized that God had not left. He was right there with me. I just did not feel safe enough to recognize him (to let him in).
God’s Presence May Feel Like Pressure
Here is something I have also learned. God’s presence may feel like (extra) pressure until your heart feels safe.
I think that sometimes, we expect God’s nearness to feel like comfort – gentle, reassuring, warm. And, I am going to suggest that sometimes it feels uncomfortable.
Let me explain.
When I was dating my husband, I made a list of the things I wanted in a relationship based. I came to that list by what I didn’t have before. (If you don’t know what you want in relationship, by the way, we can talk more about that, soon.) I thought about all of the friendships that were good, my personality, what makes me feel fulfilled, and wrote a list of what that looks like.
And, in the beginning, even though I measure my husband against that list, it wasn’t always comfortable.
It was uncomfortable because even thought I knew what I wanted, it wasn’t like anything I had experienced. It could be more intense, scary, and even a bit madenning. I can laugh now. But, sometimes, getting the love we want – and not really knowing what it should feel like – isn’t always comfortable.
It Felt Like God Was Far
In the lowest part of my life, like I mentioned, I did have the head knowledge that God is everywhere, so I knew he was “with me.” And there was head knowledge of his peace. [John 14:7]. It was my emotions and heart that did not have knowledge of that peace – the peace I expected from experiencing his love.
My heart ached. I had such a deep longing. I felt like no one understood me or where I was in life. I fell into a deep, deep depression. I cry thinking about it now; I felt so alone and like God doesn’t care.
I yelled at him, “Please show me you are here. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
And I cried. There was a lot of crying.
Days, weeks. Asking God to show up somewhere. Then, one day, when I was so exhausted for it all, instead of reading, journaling, begging, I was sitting on the floor staring out the window – in a mindless trance. And there, I saw about 50 small birds – birds I had never seen before – in my tree.
Watching those birds, I thought, “God, is that you showing me you are there?”
And that is when a peace fell over me. I can to the realization, that I was so in my own pity, my own dispair, that I was not taking the time to recognize the moments where God was showing up. In essence, I just hadn’t recognized that he was giving me signs.
Why We Still Feel Distant
Even when we seek God, it can feel distant and I think it is for these reasons.
- We expect emotional highs – God often shows up without quietly
- We carry shame – which makes us avoid the intimacy he is offering
- We carry fear – of what God really wants to say to us
- We Strive – we try to “do” instead of just accept his love
- We mistake silence for absense – I have learned that God is not silent, ever. It is in the recognizing of what is coming your way, like my birds, that God speaks.
Knowing we are loved by God is not necessarily the warm fuzzy feeling we seek.
And, the weird thing is, I too was seeking that. But when I began to imagine what that love could feel like – my face in the warm sun, a nice cup of coffee in my cozy chair, the light breeze in my hair, or even the cat that appears on my doorstep – I can recognize that God can have something to say to me in all of these things.
It is in the realizing that God, if you believe in Him, is within you. When we get into right thinking by renewing our mind [Romans 12:2], releasing our own fears of what his full love might actually feel like, and accepting it, we can feel so loved.
What Does It Really Take
The Bible also tells us that if we lose our life, we will find it (real life) [Matthew 8:35-36]. I think it is in the letting go of what we “know” about our life, and accepting what God really has for us.
Not by striving, but by being, and speaking into “being”.
I am sure that there are others that will tell you differently, but I began to think about what God’s word says about me, what he says about us, letting those words become a part of me. Letting me hear it until I believe it. Letting it soak in until it became part of my subconcious.
It’s back to renewing our mind – losing the thoughts (our old self) – and picking up His.
I’ve never felt more loved by God than I do now.
What This Looks Like Daily
For, me, this looks like the moments when, I sit with my morning cup of coffee. It feels warm in my hand. It’s reflective morning time, and I acknowledge that God is meeting me there.
It’s the moments that I get in the car, it is warm from sitting in the sun, and I imagine that being a hug from God.
It’s the time that a random cat shows up at my front door – I like cats – and I thank God for the gift of being able to say hello to the cat (even though I have never seen it, and may never see that cat again.)
It’s in meeting a new friend who I know will be a friend for a while.
It is in the smile a random person gave me at the grocery store.
The flower that I didn’t notice before.
The possibilities are endless.
Mostly, it is in learning, that I can trust that God is speaking directly to me. And trusting that what he has to say to me, what he has for me, is good.
We are Excited to have you here on Your Online Community System. For Access to More Things and Benefits, Please Contact Us Here. We are Ready to help you and your family prosper. Simply Contact Us to Gain Access!
Coming Soon: Head to Heart – How to Feel Connected to God