Learn to Release What No Longer Fits: Letting Go of The Toxicity.
When the mind is in conflict with a situation, the heart—and by extension, the body—can manifest signs like anxiety, panic attacks, or chronic illness as a way of enforcing a necessary boundary, such as when leaving a toxic job or relationship.
Just beneath the surface of your daily grind, or those pesky questions you ask yourself in the night, there is a kind of strange whisper that begins. It starts softly. The whisper that might say: This is not supposed to feel like this. Then, if you listen long enough, that whisper can grown into a louder hum. The hum turns to a restless ache… and then finally, you see the neon sign that is blaring at you with annoyance tell you: it’s time to let go.
I know you. I see you. You have been the steady one for so long. You are the one who nutures, who shows up, who hopes, even when the hope is tiring. Maybe you have been staying in a job that pays your bills, but is slowly stealing your joy. Maybe you have been in a relationship that started with fire and promise, but is now leaving you cold, exhausted, and invisible. Interesting, it could go either way with those feelings in a job or relationship. Either way, you are at the threshold of a difficult decision.
Leaving is never easy.
Letting go does not feel all that brave when you are in the middle of having to let go. Even when you absolutely know it is the right thing to do. It feels messy. It feels like you are losing something important, even it is has become harmful to you. It can feel sad. It is like leaving a part of you behind. I know that feeling.
It only feels brave later, when you are recounting the experience some time in the distant future.
Here are Five Things to Keep in Mind
I. Recognizing the Weight
There is always that one morning that changes it all. Maybe it is the middle of the week, a day that begins that all the other days. But, somehow, you just know. The weight of all of the toxicity has sunk deeper; it is no longer just something you carry around on your shoulders, it is in your soul. The sunrise feels bothersome, like it is asking too much from you. It is like everything is asking something from you. The reflection you see is looking back at you in a dimmer light. The day ahead feels like it will blur together with the rest of them and then the thought hits you: I cannot keep doing this.
If this is a job: Your job used to make you come alive. You were challenged, proud. You may even believed this was a mission. You loved your team. But now, there are constant deadlines, and more and more work being put on you. The corner of your heart is being chipped away by the demands, the indifference. You catch yourself dreading Monday – no, every work day. You no longer talk about your work with energy, but with hesitation, or worse, with disdain or not at all.
If this is a relationship: You were attracted to the laughter and time you spent together. But now everything is gaurded. You stop sharing your heart becuase what you have to say “can be used against you”. Words are empty and do not align with the actions and experiences. You gave it all, but find yourself at the other end of a relationship that is one sided; you give.
II. Letting Go: The Gift (and The Cost)
The Cost
- Sadness. You might cry. Maybe more than once. This is not because you are weak, or this was the “wrong” decision. It is because it is something you are letting go of that has been a part of you.
- Fear. Whether easy to acknowledge, there can be fear of losing your identity,fear of what others will think, the unknown, status, comfort.
- Guilt. You might feel like you’re shirking responsibility, abandoning, betraying.
- Loss. There is familirity, even in a toxic environment. Leaving it means saying goodbye to your idea of “safety”, routines, and people. The familiar.
The Gift
- Freedom. Freedom to be you. To breathe. Freedom to reclaim yourself.
- Peace. Each day the level of anxiety lowers. You stop tensing and no longer walk on eggshells.
- Possibility. When you let go of the “old”, it leaves room for something new. There are new possibilities opening. (Perhaps a season of healing that you hever knew you needed.)
- Self-respect. As soon as you set, and keep, the boundary, you say to yourself: I am worth more. I matter. This is a new beginning.
III. Practical Steps for the Walk Ahead
- Write it out – With a pen/pencil and paper, write everything out that comes to your mind. Do not edit yourself. Just let it out. You don’t even need to keep what you wrote. Congratulations, you are letting go of the toxicity within your brain.
- Get Support – Reach out to a friend or a coach who will stand by you; not blame you or talk bad about the other party. Find a nuetral party who will stand by you.
- Visualize Your Future – Listen to yourself. What do you want? Write out a list to create a life worth falling in love with. One that is filled with your healthy desires that is full of joy, love and appreciation.
- Set a Timeline – Unless safety is at stake, you do not need to take action immediately. Give yourself a timeframe to act. Decided and reevaluate.
- Practice Declaring – Each morning before getting out of bed, say out loud: I release what poisons my heart. I choose what nourishes my soul and gives me life. Then keep doing it. (You can find more declaration ideas, and the power behind them here)
- Seek help when needed – If you’re stuck, don’t hesitate. Seek out a good, support group, mentor, or coach —none of this is self-sufficient.
IV. When The Healing Begins
When the heaviness starts to lift, you can celebrate in doing the right thing. That may come and go, and that is okay. There will be a morning when you wake with your chest lighter. The weekend when you sleep deeper. And not have the extra tension hanging around on your shoulders.
You will be able to say, “I am free.”
You can always be grateful. Grateful that you took care of yourself and began living more free and more true to you. You will begin to remember how much you are worth it.
V. The invitation
May you find the courage to listen to that whisper. May you find compassion for yourself as you walk through any of the sadness. May you find the joy and peace waiting on the other side. May you celebrate you and your new found freedom.
Sometimes, the bravest thing we do is release the safety that we have built so that we can move on to the next journey.
Choose freedom. Choose truth. Choose life. And know you are deeply loved.
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