We can assume that emotional authority means learning how to stay calm, measured, or even unaffected. Some think that maturity looks like expressing everything they think with honesty, immediately. Both of these may be missing the mark. Emotional authority is not about suppression or releasing; it is about knowing yourself enough and discernment of the timing.
The question is not whether you feel something. It is all about what you do with what you are feeling.
Emotional Authority: Timing Matters
From experience I can tell you that some of my emotions are deep and wild. I have learned to inwardly acknowledge what I am feeling, what emotion is coming to me, and ask myself questions around those feelings. Some questions I ask: Is this how I really feel, or am I still living in the past hurts? Is this the intent of the person who I am with, or is this my own insecurity.
To take it a bit further, I was having a conversation with my husband. I really felt offended by his question. I know his heart is good and he would not have tried to intentionally offend me. Being aware of that, I asked myself the question, “Why I am feeling like this? What am I holding on to? Is what he said coming up against my past and giving me a trigger? Should I be offended?”
I can laugh about this now.
As he waited, proding me for what I was thinking, I had to let him in on my thinking, which was, “I feel offended, though I do not think that is how you meant it. I am asking myself how I should be responding right now. If I respond the way that is coming to me, I do not think it is appropriate. You will have to wait for my answer.”
I hate to say it, but it did take some time to come to a clean answer for myself, one that was not just full of emotional reaction.
Feelings are Information. Not Instructions.
Emotions can carry a lot of information. In my opinion, they carry information that was given to us by those who raised us – parents, grandparents, aunts, teachers, etc. Some emotions are learned. They are meant to alert us to meaning, connections, loss, hope, threat, or desire.
Emotions are not to tell us which actions to take.
Another example I can share with you, is that I really, really wanted a new car. That was my emotions telling me how great it would be to have. How good I would feel and look in that new car. However, doing the math – my house budget numbers – told me otherwise.
When feeling are taken for instructions, this can be a big mistake. People can make bad financial decisions, relationship decisions, and others. We can do a lot of damage and create a set-back for ourselves.
Think about anytime you or someone you know “blew up” and said things that later they wished they could take back all because they let that emotion take over for them.
Some of us have learned that attending quickly to our emotions can keep us stable. I have come to believe otherwise.
Why Urgency Feels Compelling
For me, urgency allows me to release the intensity of the emotion. It “feels” like:
- I have to respond noe
- I do not want this to linger
- I need clarity so it does not get worse
- I might lose out
- I do not want to be misunderstood
The underlying urgency, is usually fear. Fear of disconnect, misunderstanding, withholding. (a.k.a., fear of man).
This is where it can become challenging, because to level up our maturing and authority requires courage. The courage to be disappointed.
True, delay can feel risky, especially for those of us who have learned to manage emotional environments. Our bodies remember those season where waiting was not safe. Our bodies are so amazing, but our minds and spirits can be more powerful, if we allow it.
Emotional maturity is about allowing the feelings and choosing differently despite what you feel. Sometimes, that can take you a minute to determin what that will be.
Emotional Authority and Vulnerability
One of the markers of emotional authority is the ability to delay your response without shutting down and shutting others out.
By delaying, it does not mean your ignoring your emotion. It is simple allowing enough space for your body to settle so that the mind can lead.
When you have allowed yourself to acknowledge what you are feeling, without responding in haste, to allow your mind to do the work of those feelings and sort how you actually want to respond, not a learned reaction, you are genuine.
And that is why timing matters more than the intensity.
With this new practice, you may be surprised how much this will increase your vulnerability as well as the way you see yourself. Others will feel closer to you.
Why? Becauase vulnerability is not emotional overflow. It is a measured, grounded, honesty in self-respect. It requires that you know what to share and with whom. When you are allowed to feel without explaining it immediately and deciding how it should be expressed for you, you become more vulnerable to the real you.
Practicing Emotional Authority Daily
Habits and changes happen through the small, repeatable decisions.
It can look like:
- Waiting before responding
- Acknowleding to yourself where the emotion comes from
- Ending conversations without over-explaining
- Choosing to reset instead of resolving
- Create more space before an answer is given
- Letting time and silence carry some of the weight
With your practice, your responses can become steadier. Your boundaries can become more peaceful and your decisions less reactive.
This can build trust with others, but more importantly, with yourself.
You might begin to notice that your emotions will do less of a “take over” and you will feel more in control of you. This is in no way about being less emotional. This is about being more settled and less reactive.
Wisdom listens to emotion, gathers information, and then, makes a choice.
Practice More
I write weekly devotional letters focused on practicing emotional authority, renewed thinking, and steady discernment—not just understanding these ideas, but living them. If a consistent rhythm of formation would support you, you can read along here: Renewed Mind, Rooted Heart
Your Community Online is Available to Help With The Items Your Discover Here. We are also available for you to Contact Us to Gain Access to the Benefits, and should we dare Say Awesome, even Incredible Products and Services to Help You and Your Family’s Wellbeing and Prosperity.